I’m having big Anubis feels right now. You know the ones? Where you want to stand on a rooftop and crow to the world the glory of your God? Any time I think too deeply about him, my heart fills with adoration and joy. Perhaps I know now why the wolves howl.

Breath and Blood

This is stunning and food for serious thought.

Amidst Fires

Greetings intrepid readers! Apologies for the very long hiatus; my husband and i recently moved from the US to the UK, and it’s taken me a little while to get settled in. I’m woefully behind on everyone’s blogs, but i promise to start catching up quickly. I wanted to come back to my Internet kindred with a gift in hand, so i thought i’d share a meditation I’ve been toying with lately.

A few years ago, i came across a meditation taught by a Hindu from the bhakti tradition (i.e., the branch of Hinduism that focuses on cultivating a devotional relationship with one’s ishta-devata). I’ve since expanded and adapted this meditation to suit my own practice. Give it a try, and see if it’s something that resonates with you.

Consider for a moment the creation of Ask and Embla from Völuspá:

Önd þau né átto,
óð þau né höfðo,
lá né…

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My Beloved

You loved me with a vulnerability

That no one has ever blessed me with.

You trusted me, and I cannot help but feel

I may have let You down.

I never stopped loving You

But held Your love as distant and fickle,

Though Loyalty is your companion

Arm-in-arm with compassionate Understanding.

I have misjudged, erred, but not of spite;

Instead, my own self-doubt.

You are too beautiful not to adore,

Cherish, glorify in ecstasy,

While I am only human.

What blessings have I earned to have Your light

Shine so brightly down on me?

Questions like these go unanswered, unasked,

As it should justly be in right relation,

So I will endeavor to love and,

Perhaps more difficult,

Be loved in return

Within Your patient Grace.

For the Trickser

For such a strength in hand and fine refrain,
At great divine and countenance’s grace
A smile to ease all restraint’s sweetest strain
With cheer and kindness sweet adornment’s lace.
Could I begin to know just why or when
Such fascination within bloomed and grew?
The Trickster’s clever hand might shape it then,
But since once learned has come to blossom new.
Your coming near has marked such darkened time;
A soulful midnight fast descends on me
And drowns in melancholia sublime,
My eyes affixed to distant star, to thee.

And ever through this darkest, deepest trial,
Forever I move to our dawning smile.

Hymn to the Blood Brothers

This is just amazing. Hail!

Amidst Fires

Hail to Him who drank Gunnlöð’s mead,
and hail to Him who ate Gullveig’s heart.
To Odin and Loki, Blood Brothers, hail!

Hail to Frigga’s Lord,
and hail to Sigyn’s Love.
To Odin and Loki, Blood Brothers, hail!

Hail to Thor’s Father,
and hail to Thor’s Friend.
To Odin and Loki, Blood Brothers, hail!

Hail to Sleipnir’s Rider,
and hail to Sleipnir’s Mother.
To Odin and Loki, Blood Brothers, hail!

Hail to the Breath-Giver,
and hail to the Blood-Giver.
To Odin and Loki, Blood Brothers, hail!

Hail to the Wisdom-Giver,
and hail to the Wit-Giver.
To Odin and Loki, Blood Brothers, hail!

Hail to the Wolf-Feeder,
and hail to the Wolf-Father.
To Odin and Loki, Blood Brothers, hail!

Hail to the All-Father,
and hail to the Witch-Mother.
To Odin and Loki, Blood Brothers, hail!

Hail to the Spear-Shaker,
and hail to the Thread-Tangler.
To Odin and Loki, Blood Brothers, hail!

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An Outsider’s View of God-Spousery.

Reblogging this because the thoughts on god-spousery are just incredible.

Magick From Scratch

“Let us go, my Beloved, to greet the Bride
The Queen’s Whole Self shall we welcome”
— From L’kha Dodi, the Jewish Evening Sabbath service.

From: From:

The term “god-spouse” always seems to carry with it a discussion.

“Can a person really be married to a deity?”

“Are they claiming equality to that divinity, and are they really any closer to them than the rest of us?”

“If someone claims to be a god spouse, I expect them to be exceptionally devoted.”

“I can’t imagine that the gods pick and choose favorites.”

While most of the discussion that non-god-spouses seem to have about the phenomenon focuses on the idea of legitimacy, I have an entirely different question to ask. What does it mean? Why have the gods chosen to do this?

Why am I even exploring this issue? My apologies to all the various and sundry god-spouses out there. You fascinate…

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Will you deny Me? (Heh, no, no I don’t think I will . . . .)

Cat Hair and Coffee

Will you deny Me?
In the dark hours of the early morning,
In the quiet spaces of your day,
In the busy moments snatched here and there,
When you come back into My embrace
When you rest your head where it belongs,
When you place your soul in My capable hands,
Will you deny Me?
As your heart is filled with My loving,
As your body is filled with My breath,
As your mind is caught up, and your very spirit infused with My presence.
I have loved you
Not for what you can give to Me
Not for what you can show to others
Not for the names that you call Me
I have loved you
For you are a balm to My being
You are warmth and wonder and joy
Do you think We, too, are not moved by hearts reaching out?
Do you think We have all…

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Keeper of Mysteries

For those who follow me, you may have noticed I don’t post often (or ever, really).  There are many reasons for this, and I won’t deny procrastination and laziness to be two of them.  Sometimes it’s a matter of not knowing what to say.  One of the biggest reasons is Anubis himself, which is what I’d like to address today.

You see, a lot of people talk about their beliefs and experiences with their gods.  My relationship with Anubis is often not like the ones I read about on other blogs.  Part of the reason that I started this blog was to not only work things through via written word, but to share my experiences so that people who may have similar ones might not feel alone.  I like this in theory, but it doesn’t work out so well when what I want to talk about is my beloved Boss and he… well, doesn’t want me to.

I have not had the experience of Anubis being shy, so it surprised me a little when he forbid me from talking about what I know of him and my experiences.  Anything that can be found in research is fair game, but the details inferred by that research (UPG essentially) are to be kept private.  One day, I asked him why.  As I said, he has never struck me as shy.

All I can say is that my hands are a little tied.  I’m not willing to upset him, since there are so few rules he gives me anyways.  He holds the epithet of the Master of the Mysteries, and he takes his jobs rather seriously.  But more than that, like I think every god does, there is something that he sees in each of us that is wholly ours and unique.  There is a tiny seed for him to cultivate, and the conditions are different for each one of us.

I work best off of a sounding board, so I know how much it can help to talk to others about your experiences.  However, there are a lot of voices out there who would define what an experience with one’s god should be like, what they should ask of you, and what you should be willing to give them.  It can be easy to listen to those words instead of the voice of your god because they are a billion times easier to understand.  I am a very “shiny” person (think Doug in Up: “Squirrel!”) and so can be easily cluttered and confused by what others have to say.  Sharing too much may define to a reader what a ‘typical’ interaction with Anubis ‘should’ be when, in truth, each relationship is different.

Because of this, I’m a little limited in what I can share.  There is so much that I wish I can say sometimes, because he is so awesome and beautiful to me and I find myself wanting to croon and fawn, so perhaps it’s better for everyone involved that there are restrictions.

Two Cents.

There is a debate going around about Pop Culture Paganism.  One side is saying, in a nutshell, that it is inappropriate to lay worship before pop culture icons such as superheroes and the like because they are not gods and it is insulting to ‘real’ deities.  There should be awe and fear and power there, and there is no room for the friendly camaraderie that PCP(an either unfortunate or hilarious acronym) can inspire in people.  The other side says that this is rubbish and that people can interact with the gods however they and They will. Now, obviously this synopsis is very abbreviated, and I haven’t read a lot of the posts because I get the idea and I know it will annoy me.  However, I did take a moment to consider how I felt about it.  My decision boiled down to that its none of my business what another does, nor is it any of their business what I do.

Something that bothers me a little with ‘hard’ polytheism is that there is a hard line, and I have trouble drawing that when it comes to the divine or the astral or anything that we humans don’t truly understand.  One of the things that struck me about side A’s arguments against PCP is their idea of how the gods must be approached.  While that may work and is appropriate and right to them, not everyone works that way.  Anubis has specifically told me NOT to bow to him, he’s asked me to call him Puppy instead of Boss like I used to, has said we were equals, and I’m beginning to suspect he and Loki are frustrated by my fears when they have never given me a reason to be afraid of them.  It’s not that I believe the gods are here for us as some kind of blessing dispensers.  They can be cruel, they can be terrible and awful, and I am certainly not a special snowflake.  They are simply nice to me, for whatever reason.  They are sometimes playful, usually friendly and fond and I’ve simply had too much validation to believe it’s sock puppets.

As far as Pop Culture Paganism goes, I met Anubis through fanfiction, and Loki used the Marvel movies (and Anubis) to budge in on my life.  I don’t worship them, but I have met and interacted with ‘characters’ from pop culture.  I don’t believe the Doctor is a god, but others may see him that way, or maybe he’s a mask for a deity.  Who knows?  I don’t consider myself ‘into’ PCP, but aspects of it work for me.  What it boils down to for me is: if the gods want you, they will walk into your life however it works for them to do so.  I do not judge their choices.  It is not my place to do so, nor my desire.

For Vali

Pain should howl across Winter snows
But there is only silence.
One step then another
Sinks into the cold with
The scent of pine
Clinging; cloying.
It’s full of life and
Wrong, Wrong, Wrong.
A whimper should drown it out
But silence is all there is.
There is no voice or laughter;
Not since then.
Not since Them.
Footsteps echo after mine,
Soft on stone and
Wrong, Wrong, Wrong.
I will never clean the taste of blood
From my teeth;
My tongue is thick with it.
I do not really want to.